brand new key

I got the key to my new house today!  My new room is on the top floor of a two-story house, so I’m totally going up on the roof for stargazing.  My new room has much more character: lots of non-90-degree angles.  Our house is an original, built by the owner and his brother.  Track housing?  No thanks.  I will try to post some photos soon (which may be a trying task since my camera died.)

I will be officially moved in on August first.  Call me and come over.  We can sit on my roof and eat bacon together.

When I grow up, I want to be.

I was looking at my blog today, and I’ve been averaging about one blog post per month.  Sorry, Four People Who Read My Blog.

Tomorrow I sign the rental agreement for my future home. To some, this isn’t a big deal at all.  For me, it’s the “ready, set, go” of adulthood.  I’m 21 and have grown so comfortable living with my parents – always having food and toothpaste and silverware.  The other day I threw out a box of letters that I have collected over the past ten years.  Every letter I’ve ever recieved is now sitting outside waiting for the trashman to come on Monday.

How do I feel about this?  Kind of like I’m losing myself.  Kind of like insecure.  Kind of humbled.  Really small.

papa, make this true of me.

“The load, or weight, of burden of my neighbour’s glory should be laid on  my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken.  It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to my one day be a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare.  All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations.  In the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.  There are no ordinary people.  You have never talked to a mere mortal.  Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat.

“But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.  This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn.  We must play.  But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously – no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.”

– Clive Staples Lewis, The Weight of Glory

A change of pace.

The internet is running a little slowly right now, probably because I have a ton of photos uploading to Flickr right now.

Contrasting the lagging pace of the internet, things have been changing quite rapidly for me.

I’m quitting Subway.

That feels so weird. To write and to think about. After four years making sandwiches, I’m switching it up a little. I’m making sandwiches and coffee now. Starting on the 7th, I will be working at Caffe Diem, the coffeehouse right next door to Tinseltown. If you live in the area, you should come visit me.

Also, on Tuesday, I will be starting a new school. Oh, Southern Oregon University… your campus is beautiful in fall.

A new school and a new job all at once.

The effect of apathy on involvement and potential.

I’ve been learning how apathetic I am these days.

[by the way, this is my first post, so I’m a bit self-conscious about what to say, how formal/informal I should be. But anyway…]

Apathy has this tendency to erode any sort of motivation to change for the better. I am so envious of people who see their unfavorable habits and characteristics and immediately go to work on changing them. Because I’m not like that at all. I get annoyed with myself, and try to psychoanalyze, and that usually squelches any dedication to change.

And usually I think this: “Well if right living doesn’t come naturally, I don’t want to fake it. Because God totally knows if my motives are right or not.” But that’s pretty ridiculous because I’m NEVER going to be stoked about pouring myself out for people or addressing my hypocrisy.

I just have to do it anyway because I know it’s necessary and beneficial.